Blue Roses

I'm not a very smart person. I think I should probably eat now. It's been about, oh, 18 hours. Give or take a few. And yes, this was done deliberately. I need to work on how I react to feeling bad.

My grandfather went in for surgery at 4 today, to put in a J-tube. It's a direct feeding tube to his small intestine, since he can't keep any food or water down. I'm scared for him. I wish I could have called him before he went in. I know he had a hard time talking last time, very emotional and had to get off the phone, but I love him so much and I want to keep telling him that, over and over again, for as long as possible. Because as long as possible is not as long as I'd like.