friends
Let's start with my Josh stories. I'm kinda on edge tonight, and I'd like to not be.
We started reading Bunnicula today. It's SUCH a cute book, by Deborah and James Howe. Well, we were going over character names. Now, we say Bunnicula as Buh-NIC-u-la. Well, JOsh's device (and therefore Josh) says it as Buh-nih-CUE-la. It's so cute...he's been saying it all day. LOL
Yesterday, we were walking down the hallway to his SLP's room when we stopped to read a small board of camp brochures. We couldn't have been stopped for more than a minute before continuing. We get to the room, Josh sits, and starts typing. I WANT TO GO THE FISHING, he says. Mom and I look act each other. Where on earth did THAT come from? Fishing?! He sees our looks of confusion and says CAMP. BUG JUICE 3 CAMP. LOL Then he says "ma" and my name and points to himself. He wants the three of us to go to camp and go fishing. We're not sure if he just saw the camp sheets and connected it to fishing, or if there was fishing mentioned up there, but isn't he so smart? I guess it's a good thing that we're going to Camp Chatterbox this summer. LOL And that it's just going to be the three of us. <.giggle>
Between letting my brother make me smile and spending a good 20 minutes bitching to MA about a friend, I think I'm feeling much better. Far more well-equipped to handle the stress of being Julie's friend. LOL MA's right...we have such a sibling dynamic sometimes. We like each other, but don't REALLY like each other, but can't stay away from each other. I don't get it. We're close, I think, but sometimes I can't stand to be around her. But I don't really want to not be around her, as much as she drives me insane and hurts me. It's not big hurts, it's little hurts that add up and I think hurt more. I don't think I'm making sense. LOL The last few months, everything seems like a competition. And I know I'm a very competitive person, and I wonder if I'm making things harder than they need to be, or if she's contributing. Or both...we're both competitive. I think we're both too alike for our own goods. <.g> I don't know. I guess I need to learn to relax more...not everything is a competition. She's not better than me. I'm good in my own right, and I need to let go of things she's done that I didn't like so much. Why is that so hard to do? I like her, I honestly love her, and she's so fun to be around. Most of the time. So why do I get this icky feeling in the pit of my stomach sometimes when I even just see her? Or read an e-mail from her? Or even THINK about her, for heaven's sake? Am I that jealous? That pissed off over things that happened in the past? I shouldn't be. I want our friendship to be good again, and I know I have to take the first steps. I just don't know what they are. Or maybe I do, and I just don't trust myself to make them and not screw everything up royally.
She's not better than me. Good things don't always just happen to her. I am a good person, and I can make my own good and happy things happen. Maybe if I do that, I'll feel better about myself and can be a better friend to her again.
Comments
Hey Rina... oops, almost forgot that. I'm sorry you are all stressed out about your friend. But think of it this way, all great friendships have their squables and down times, their bouts of jealousy and disgust, and their moments of laughter and pure joy. So maybe now it is hard, but in time things are bound to get better. Maybe time apart will help, or maybe its time you had the all out fight... know what I mean. My sisters are some of the best friends I have and they are constantly driving me insane and getting me all riled up. But in the end I love them more than anything else. And I know that if I talk to them, even if it is through an argument, we are much better off. Okay, well I hope this helps, or at least gives you some hope. Enjoy the rest of your break! :)
Posted by: Aarti | March 21, 2002 12:36 AM
I agree with Aarti. You should probably talk to Julie... if she's a good friend, you shouldn't be feeling icky around her. *g* Plus, maybe she doesn't know how you feel, or maybe she feels the same way and talking about it will resolve issues on both sides. If your relationship with Julie is anything like mine with my sister, Jess is one of the few people that can get me into an all-out argument, but afterwards, we always feel better. So good luck, chica!
Posted by: Kate | March 22, 2002 07:03 AM