Blue Roses

Well, here I am again. Pretty tired. I didn't want to go to sleep last night, and stayed up too late. Then D went to bed at 4, which woke me up, and I was awake for over an hour. And now it's thundering, and that sucks.

It doesn't seem real yet. I cried a lot yesterday morning. I was ten minutes late to work, walked over in the pounding rain, and when I explaimed to Jamie why I was late, burst into tears. By the time I had composed myself and was working, it was clearing up and there was blue skies for the rest of the day. It was also the last time I cried. All day at work, it was like nothing had happened. And I was mad, because I didn't want to pretend it didn't happen. But now it doesn't seem real. I've typed it out several times - Po died 25 hours ago - and said it a few times (to Jamie, Damien, Melissa and Jennie), and it doesn't seem true. I don't know what to do. Mom says I have to keep telling the story, until I own it. But I've run out of people to tell it to. And what I need is a RL person to let me get it all out, and the only person here is Damien. And I like D, he's a great guy, a good friend, but I can't with him. I don't feel comfortable. All yesterday, I just wanted to avoid his as much as possible, which isn't fair to him. But there you go. Anyone interested in coming to Champaign for an imprompto and certainly not really fun visit? <.g> I need real hugs and plenty of them. From friends.

Meanwhile. I have to try and pick up my apartment keys today. Call cable and internet people, and whoever else have you, and try and get those set up, so I can move in tomorrow. I'm hoping both those providers will be thrilled to get one person out of the way before the big crush. <.g> I also have to ask Barr what else needs to be turned on. So those are my plans for the day. Get apartment stuff ready and find alone time to cry and stuff. The latter of which probably won't happen, but I can try. Oh, but D said he's trying to go home tonight or tomorrow for the rest of the week, and so I'd have the place to myself. Very kind of him.